Plano Minister proves he is a real Asshat

WFAA.com is reporting Plano Minister Joe Barron, 52, of Prestonwood Baptist Church was caught Thursday after chatting online for the past two weeks with someone he thought was a 13 year old girl.

Police said Barron arranged to meet with the girl Thursday afternoon in Bryan, Texas. He was met by undercover officers after driving to a prearranged location and arrested.

Barron is charged with online solicitation of sex with a minor, and could face up to 20 years in prison if convicted (Praise Jay-ses!)

Police seized a web cam, headset, and condoms from Barron's vehicle.

Barron is one of 20 pastors on Prestonwood's staff. He counsels married couples and heads mission trips. He was scheduled to lead a mission to Bogota, Colombia in August.

Scummy and SCUMMIER. This guy is a complete festival of EEEWWWW. He had condoms in a car--for a 13 year old?! Shivers. Oh, and the fact that he was going to lead a mission trip to Colombia in August--perfect. A place notorious for underage prostitution. I bet he was jumping up and down like a 5th grader in a jump roping contest to lead that trip.

And does he not watch TV? If you actually think that a 13 year old can talk THAT dirty to you and want to meet you in some random place--you deserve to have some guy from 60 Minutes and a bad comb over to be waiting for you with a full serving of undercover cops to bust your fucktard self.

I bet this Sunday Prestonwood Baptist will be praying for this asshat's sins, and not passing around the collection plate to try and save their asses from anyone who gets the bright idea that this church is screwed.

Hate the sinner, AND hate the sin.

P.S. It's been a while for me to be in a church, but back in my YoungLife days I used to go and listen to Matt Chandler speak...didn't he speak at Prestonwood Baptist? Yuck.

Quote of the day

"I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal...I remember when de Mello, who was at the UN, got killed in Baghdad as a result of these murderers taking this good man's life. And I was playing golf -- I think I was in central Texas -- and they pulled me off the golf course and I said, it's just not worth it anymore to do."

- George W. Bush on why he gave up the sport of golf.

Dear Mr. President,

You still serving as president of the United States--"sends the wrong signal." Your reasoning for why we are STILL in Iraq after 6 years--"is just not worth it anymore to do." And face it, you gave up golf because the concept of making a ball go into a hole was too hard for you to comprehend.

Sincerely,

TXOJ

E with MC^2

As we were all bunkered down in libraries and trendy coffee shops getting our study on for finals, I'm sure enough of you snuck a peak or two at any gossip column and discovered that the tall lanky kid who was NOT funny with saggy pants from Wild n' Out (aka Nick Cannon) married Mariah Carey (aka the woman who has breast separated by different area codes and steals mini dresses from 8 year old strippers).

I don't know about the readers of TXOJ, but I was shocked. SHOCKED I tell you. Luckily Mariah was on Ellen today to explain the wedding and promote her new album E=MC^2.

(Note the symbolism: Mariah Carey is also Mariah Cannon (hints the MC^2) and Ellen starts with E...this was fate.)

Just a few things I would like to note in this clip:

- Most people would turn on their lezbo jets for Angelina Jolie--but not me. Ellen would make me jump the fence any day. She's hilarious, has killer dance moves, wears lingerie on the outside of her clothes, looks like a cute little German boy who is oddly taller than 4 feet, and parties with people like Tom Hanks (who I would then go straight for again for an entire new list of reasons).

-Nick plans to have a party to celebrate their marriage in one year. Way to dream big kiddo. However, you asshats got tattoos. Way to follow in the successful footsteps of Tommy and Pam, Britney and Kevin, and Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder. morons.

 -Mariah's tattoo is a fucking tramp stamp of a butterfly with "Mrs. Cannon" on the spine of the insect. That's EASILY blackout-able. Nick however got a huge ass "MARIAH" across his back. What is he going to do when this true love lands by the waste side? Pencil in "I boned...Mariah...and her boobs" or "Mariah...hoe made me sign a pre-nup" or will he simply just change her name to "Messiah" and begin healing lepers? 

I will write him on his MySpace and make sure he hears my suggestions (you know he checks it, he's not that famous).

Speaking of Ballers...

Ralph Handy, my new inspiration for life, reminded me of another teenager who made me laugh all inappropriately:

Meet Corey Worthington--he's a complete douche, but in a good douchey way. 

13 going on P-I-M-P!

This story is Shuh-mazing!

A 13 year old from Texas who stole his Dad's credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has today been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order.

Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

The credit card company involved said it was regular practice to send extra credit cards out as long as all security questions are answered.

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr Pepper, Fritos and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a "World of Warcraft" tournament and wanted to get some relaxation. On noting the boys age the delivery clerk informed the authorities.

When police arrived at the motel they found $3,000 in cash, numerous electronic gadgets, an Xbox video console with numerous games, and the two local escort girls.

Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present. The father, a lawyer said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services.

Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician.

13! He's a BALLER and I don't even think his have even dropped!

Seriously, I tried applying for a student loan and got stumped when they asked for my parents social security number. And what dumb broads would fall for the stunted growth traveling with a circus lie--wait, I probably would have, and then would have given them extra lovin' because circus people I'm sure are somewhat google-able. 

(haha personal note, this reminds me of a story of my brother, Mexico, tequila, and a midget named Tortilla--or did she make tortillas? haha I'll have to check on that)

Either way, one cannot write this shit. Richie Rich, Blank Check, and Billy Madison all wished they weren't produced by Disney so they too could have been as big of bad asses. 

Hell, the NY governor Eliot Spitzer wishes he had half the brains of Ralph Hardy.

I will totally vote for this kid when he turns 18...Party Hard with Hardy in '13! 

[not at 13, in '13--2013...I don't go for the youngins (lies)]

An overdue serving of TXOJ

Wow, it's been awhile TXOJ readers--mainly because after a semester of some severe procrastination finals came and I had to light a fire under my ass so the parentals would not choke a bitch. I'm sure many can relate.

Therefore, I give to all of you crossing your fingers and hoping you will be back next year on UT's campus...The Albino Squirrel! May he save all of our asses!

Also, The Albino Squirrel will hopefully bring luck to everyone who just graduated. Let's be real, you kids are the ones who need the real luck. From hear on out unfortunate people, every time you hear Kanye's "Welcome to the Good Life!" know that that D-I-V-A isn't talking about you. 

Texas '08, your expiration date for fun just expired. Best of luck rubbing elbows with the hobos on the drag making tie-dyed accessories...I'm sure it's just a temp job while you're "sending resumes out."