2 SAE's to serve jail time for hazing

On April 28th four members of SAE accepted plea deals for their roles in hazing SAE pledges in Fall 2006. Tyler Cross was a pledge during the time of the accused hazing which ultimately led to his death. Said members are pledge trainers Will Evans and Austin Sherrill, former SAE president Chase Bolding, and former vice president Jimmy Berry.

- Chase Bolding was sentenced with 100 hours of community service and must attend an alcohol awareness class (that's slightly harsher than an M.I.P. ticket). 

- Jimmy Berry will serve one year of deferred adjudication, pay a $1,000 fine, and complete 100 hours of community service for not reporting the hazing that took place.

- And Will Evans and Austin Sherrill will be serving a whopping 4 days in jail. However, the charges are only for the hazing that took place in the Fall of 2006, no charges have been brought for the actual death of Tyler Cross.

I'm sure members of the "higher tier" fraternity would believe that these charges were just...but these charges are a joke. If the hazing never took place I highly doubt Tyler Cross would have been so drunk to have fallen from his balcony. 

People have been convicted with severer punishments for far far less. For instance, George Robinson and ex-wife Elisa Kelly of Virginia were sentenced in June 2007 to two years in prison each for supplying $340 worth of alcohol to their sons' party. They even took all of the guest's keys, prohibited any of the guest to drive, and no one was killed. 

Yet, these fraternity members hazed the shit out of their new members and supplied minors with extreme amounts of alcohol and are barely punished? The Daily Texan released the police warrant of the fraternity's hazing investigation, and the acts that these members committed are flat out disturbingly ridiculous and call for harsher punishments.

Pledges were shocked with cattle prods while blind folded and hog tied, kicked in the stomach while in the "bo's and toe's" position, beaten with bamboo sticks while they ran back and forth with cement blocks in hand, told to drink excessive amounts of tequila, whiskey, and beer from a keg--and the list of extremely illegal activities does not even stop there! Bolding, Sherrill, and Evans called a meeting at the Towers dormitory after the Ohio State game in 2006 where they flipped a table onto a pledge, Evans told a pledge to place his hand on a dart board while he threw darts at the member (in which several darts struck and injured the pledge), and the biggest douchenozzle of them all, Sherrill, burned the faces of two pledges with a hot iron and then instructed them to not attend class until their wounds healed.

Uh, just a few charges that would place these fucktards in prison for more than 96 hours come to mind: providing alcohol to a minors, involuntary manslaughter (the individual was aware of the risk of injury to others and willfully disregarded it--a.k.a Tyler Cross), emotional distress, hazing, cruel and unusual punishment...The list could go on. 

Where's the justice UT and Travis County?

 

Longhorn Model Fashion Show

UT is hosting their first modeling competition May 5th where 26 finalist will be cat walking their 2% body fat selves in hopes of scoring $500 to aid their laxative funds.

The winner will also receive a fashion spread in Study Breaks, a professional portfolio, and the much coveted title (is that really the word they should have used?) of Longhorn Model. So I guess this event is sorda serious. However, anything Study Breaks sponsors I can only muster the image of a girl with too much makeup in an orange thong bikini, cowboy hat, and straddling the steps in a Villas pool. Klassy with a "K."

Also, they're trying to sell this event like it's America's Next Top Model--Seriously? Why? I highly doubt Tyra Banks will be showing up and without her who is going to show these girls how to smile with their eyes?

And now for pure shits and giggles Tyra going crazy for Vaseline:

Her best friend Lesley said, "Oh, she's just being Miley"

Miley Cyrus has come under scrutiny today for her Vanity Fair photo shoot with the famed Annie Leibovitz. The Disney tween is featured in the magazine with only a bed sheet covering her ta-tas, some serious sex hair, and eyes that tell you that this 15 year old just had the best sex of her life. The media, Disney, Vanity Fair, CNN (?), Christian groups, and the ladies on The View have gotten all hot and bothered by this photo shoot and have gotten their panties in a wad.

Disney, Miley, and her parents are now speaking out about the Vanity Fair spread and have stated that Miley was "manipulated" into taking the racy photos. However, before the uproar Miley expressed to Vanity Fair how pleased she was with the portraits:

"I think it's really artsy," she told the magazine at the time. "It wasn't in a skanky way. Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought that was really cool. That's what she wanted me to do, and you can't say no to Annie."

I love it. Artsy is the new skanky. 

What Miley doesn't know is that "Annie, took, like," inspiration from any 20 year old shacker taking part in the "Walk of Shame" across campus on Friday morning. All the components are there: smeared eyeliner, raw skin around the lips because the drunk you went home with thinks growing a goatee is cool, tassled hair, and the best part, the guys bed sheet you grabbed because the top you threw off in the heat of the moment is under his face and you dare not wake the guy you thought was Ryan Reynolds' twin--because without beer goggles he's just an overweight fratty with a shit load of chest hair that would make Chewbacca feel inferior.

I shudder from experience-- yet sadly I know my love for vodka will lead me again into this vicious cycle. Thus roommates, next time I come stumbling in and you cast your judging eyes in my direction I will declare "What? I was just artsy last night!"

Regardless of what Leibovitz inspiration was for this photo shoot... having a 15 year old dress in this manner is pretty holy-inappropriate. Bottom line the girl is 15. Her parents should have stepped up. They may be bitching now but from the looks of the Youtube video provided by Vanity Fair, Miley's dad Joe Simpson Billy Ray Cyrus was too busy coppin' a feel on his daughter to object. 

Chatting capability on FB = Me flunking out of UT.

Mark Zuckerberg, YOU WHORE.

Must you add the chatting capabilities?! Is this a conspiracy against AIM? Because, quite frankly, I'm not ready to let my screen name (Hollisterkisseybaby4u05) go.

Do you just want me to flunk out of college? Why do you have to put your voodoo on a site that I've already sold my soul to?! I'm talking when I meet Peter at the the pearly gates I'll be sporting a "Property of Facebook" on my chest like I'm fucking Hester Prim and it's the Scarlet Letter--or phrase. 

I only hope when I'm condemned to Hell they will be spinning Nelly's "Its gettin' hot in hurr" and have Dos Equis on tap.

Facebook, I hate you (but I love you).

Sex and the City theme song gets Fergalicious.

If you have taken the "Which Sex and The City Character are you?" quiz on Facebook or MySpace, and have then set your dating standards accordingly to the character you came to identify the most with--this blog is for you.

 (Guys included--we know who you are. You're the ones in the Facebook group "My Humps is the soundtrack of my life!" AND you pay for a tanning membership.)

Fergie has fergified the opening music of SATC for the new movie that will be coming out May 30! Get your Pink Cosmo's ready Ladies (and Gentlemen).

I'm already addicted to this song and fully plan to be dancing to it downtown imagining my dancing shoes are Manolo Blahniks, when they're really just Nine West. 

It's a bitch being a baller on a budget.

If Southern Rock still existed--It'd be Whiskey Myers.

When I think of Southern Rock

MC Hammer's daughter goes to UT?!

What?! This is news to me! I was watching MTV's new horrendous reality show "Rock the Craddle" when they showed MC Hammer's daughter, A'Keiba Burrell. She's one of the only contestants on the show who has actual talent and not living vicariously through her dad's 1980's music videos. And the best part--she goes to UT. She's a junior! However, if I saw her on campus I would have thought she was a 40 year old theatre arts professor. no joke.

Burrell even has a facebook and seems pretty normal for a kid who had to experience watching her dad do the Hammer dance across the stage shirtless and with gold parachute pants. When your dad takes cues from Vanilla Ice on how to dress--I'm just going to take a wild guess and say such topics were brought up in later therapy sessions.

Good luck A'Keiba Burrell, TXOJ wishes you the best on the asshat MTV reality show. And if you do get booted off, least you have UT. Which I am completely pumped for her to be back on this campus! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the day when I can run up and poke her and she'll respond "Can't touch this!" and I'll poke her again while quoting her father "I'm too legit to quit...hey!hey!"

Kanye West and his Ego are coming to Austin!

Welcome to the good life! Kanye West, N.E.R.D., Rihanna, and Lupe Fiasco will be in Austin April 30th and performing at the Frank Erwin center! Tickets are still available and they range anywhere from $45.00-$350.00.

This concert is going to be pretty mcsick...every act is UH-MAZING. And it better be, Kanye West is so hardcore he even broke off his engagement to his on and off and now ex fiance Alex Phifer for this glow in the dark tour.

Yea, that's right. I said glow in the dark. Start crackin' and freezin' your glow sticks people--it's going to be epidemic!

And Alex, you're better off girlfriend. Kanye may be a great artist but have you seen this kid when he doesn't win an award?

DRAMA.

Consider your life free of future tantrums, and him constantly reminding you in third person how lucky you are to be with him. I can only imagine this man demands an award every time he wakes up, has sex, takes a shit, etc. Oh, and don't forget you're no longer in a binding contract stating every one of your offspring (boy or girl) will be named Kanye I,II,III, and IV.

Third robbery on UT's campus

This guy doesn't know when to quit:

UTPD is reporting that another student was robbed yesterday between 5:30-6 p.m. at Taylor Hall. The suspect description is the same as in the two previous robvberies this month--a male approximately 6' tall, medium build, wearing a mask and gloves, and brandishing a weapon (whatever that means). In each happening the suspect has demanded money.

The two previous robberies took place April 3, 2008 at the Music Recital Hall and the other at the RLM building April 16, 2008.

The third robbery also confirms a pattern in victims. All three armed robbery victims are Asin students (male and female).

So...I guess I was wrong with my theory that the robber from the RLM building was a scared shitless failing freshman. Damn it! All of my Tivo'd Law & Orders have been for nothing! Here I was going around all undercover like Detective Fin with a slick pony tail, getting in people's faces interrogating them like Stabler, and then trying to comfort scared little children like Olivia Benson--and for what?! I've lost all faith SVU. Your season pass is getting deleted ASAP! Oh, and lets be real...Gossip Girl is back.

And on a serious note: Asians watch out!

Asshat

A friend pointed out that I use the word "retard" too often and that it was offensive. Usually I really could care less if I offend anyone or not--but, she's a good friend and an even better drinking buddy. Therefore, I will try and use the word "retard" less or not at all.

The proposed word to fulfill the void of the word that is not to be used is...drumroll... "Asshat." (It was the best that a group of three could come up with at lunch today.)

Thus, "Asshat" it is. 

However, you know who, the blood is on your hands when offended donkeys everywhere begin to bitch.

UT gives a slap on the wrist to SAE

It's comforting to know that our university takes a student's death seriously...you know with slaps on the wrist.

In November of 2006 an SAE freshman pledge by the name of Tyler Cross died after drunkenly falling from his Tower's balcony. His blood and alcohol level was .19 when he died (more than twice the legal limit). Cross' autopsy also revealed bruises on his back and ass that were inconsistent with the fall from his balcony. Did I forget to mention that his death took place during SAE's notorious build week for their party of the year Jungle and that Cross was a bamboo pledge? Odd much?

Anyone reading this blog is pretty up to date with the events that take place in West Campus...so you kids do the math and I'm sure you can put two and two together to realize why the late freshman after returning to his dorm after a night at the fraternity, during it's"Hell week," was intoxicated and rushed to his balcony to throw up...only to fall to his death.

According to the police warrant one pledge informed investigators that pledges for the SAE fraternity were told two important rules "Don't talk about pledgeship" and "don't die." 

Wow. Those rules make me feel warm and fuzzy.

Now that a year has passed the university and the SAE fraternity have reached an agreement to how SAE conducts its new member and initiation process and its social activities. Under the terms of the agreement SAE:

• Shall be a conditionally registered student organization in good standing for five years beginning April 7, 2008. If at the end of the five years the dean of students determines SAE has fulfilled the obligations under the agreement, SAE shall be granted unconditional registration as a student organization. A number of terms of the agreement related to structural change in SAE operations shall remain in effect permanently;
  
• Must strictly prohibit hazing. SAE shall take an active role in the development and delivery of training on the prohibition of hazing and on alcohol abuse. All members of SAE shall attend an annual educational program on hazing and alcohol awareness and abuse issues that is approved by the dean of students;
  
• Shall permanently bar from membership any member who engages in hazing;
  
• Shall suspend any member who provides alcohol to a minor or any member who fails to report hazing or provision of alcohol to a minor;
  
• Shall annually inform pledges and members of the terms of the agreement prior to the pledging period;
  
• Will limit its fall pledge period to eight weeks and include in its Pledge Education Program elements approved by the dean of students;
  
• Will initiate a required pledges study hall from Sunday through Thursday of each week during the pledging period;
  
• Shall provide its chapter adviser and the Dean of Students Office a written schedule of all SAE new member recruitment or rush activities;
  
• Shall assure that all pre- and post-party and event clean-ups and other housekeeping activities during the pledge period will involve all members of SAE, not just pledges;
  
• Shall employ a full-time resident assistant who will live in the SAE house and help chapter officers supervise the fraternity's activities;
  
• Is subject to "unannounced visits to the SAE house and its common areas" by the university police department, Austin Police, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission or the Dean of Students Office;
  
• Shall assure that alcohol served at any party or event must be dispensed by a third-party vendor, provider or caterer licensed by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission;
  
• Must allow a representative of its Advisory Board, the chapter adviser or a resident assistant to monitor all new member or rush activities;
  
• Will eliminate any non-sanctioned parties or events.

The punishment will also include giving advance notice to the university and SAE alumni advisers of  large parties among other things, limiting the attendance of guest at large parties to those named on a pre-party guest list, requiring the use of off-duty police officers to distribute tamper-proof wrist bands and to provide security, and limiting parties or events to Fridays and Saturday with an ending time of 2 a.m.

These 'new' rules seem like the university has really taken action except for the fact that everything that has been bolded was already suppose to be followed. As a member of the greek community myself, I am very aware of these rules and my greek affiliation follows them strictly--to the point it's annoying. SAE member's knew of these rules. Not only are they suppose to be reminded during their pledgeship, but as freshman every member of a greek organization is required to attend Greek101 which explains the seriousness of hazing. If frats weren't busy throwing pennies at each other and calling out "Phi-gays!" during the lectureship to establish which frat is superior--maybe they would have learned a thing or two.

But seriously, is anyone reading through the lines of bullshit being fed by the university and SAE? Tyler Cross' college career and LIFE were cut short because a handful of guys had a hard-on for their ego trips and "tradition."

I hope who ever the pledge trainers were for SAE during Fall 2006 were punished severely...like jail time severe. UT credit hours revoked severe. Something! People have been sentenced for less. AND lets be real--any guy who wants to be a pledge trainer is usually a huge dbag and trying to make up for other departments that are severely lacking. I remember freshman year one pledge trainer had a huge issue with feeling me up at any party I attended at a particular frat. Every time I threatened his life he would run off without saying a word. Later I learned he had a lisp problem which included a story with the tag line "Come on baby, thuck it"-- like I said, pledge trainers are the shiniest of all tools.

So congratulations UT for showing the greeks who's boss, I'm sure the slap of the wrist you gave the frat really left a sting. I'm also sure the SAE alumni who donate large amounts of dough to the school didn't sway your decision at ALL in this disciplinary decision either. 

Rest in peace Tyler Cross.