SXSW III: From one half-assed blogger to one who receives 266 million page loads a day

I was fortunate enough to receive an invite to the Perez Hilton SXSW show One Night in Austin this year! Basically because the event had not reached capacity—but I’ll take it. This will probably be the only highlight of my year or life. The show was amazing and sponsored by Dos Equis… you know I was poppin’ and squeezin’ some limes! Here are a few highlights of the show:

Ladyhawke:

She already looks a tad washed up in that cracked out Kate Moss/Rachel Zoe raisin face way….but nonetheless has a great hit right now called “Paris Is Burning” and is currently on constant replay on my Itunes.



Thunderheist:

She’s super hot in killer heels, but her DJ was wearing that fucking SXSW fedora/flannel uniform (over him). Brings the energy, but one of those acts that are only good live or with a mix added to it at a club. Not as great on their cd.


Natalie Portman's Shaved Head:

Ughhh. This band blew and were so fucking annoying. And why would they call themselves Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head? Portman did it for V is Vendetta, a movie inwhich no one has ever seen—minus those people who like to protest the Scientology building on the drag. AND why waste a shaved head band name on her when you have Britney Spears’ shaved head that was all TMZ’d, more notorious, and was followed by her beating down a paparazzi's car with an umbrella…Eh? Eh? Eh? Clearly this group lacks the genius visual I had for them and their album cover.



NPHS was beyond annoying. They all wore pink, sparkles, and the one girl in the group sported a side ponytail and sang an entire song about her side ponytail. UGH. Reminds me of this one group in high school called SPC (Side Ponytail Crew)…it consisted of two seniors and the freshman cheerleading squad who ran around with side ponytails and whispered secrets to each other that only side ponytail people could hear. I don’t have to say any more for TXOJ readers to make the assumption that the group consisted of complete ass hats…and that NPHS is their equivalent.

I suggest that NPHS change their name to Bathroom Break…because that’s where I was during their shitastic performance.

Solange Knowles



Loved her! She cusses on stage, wears funky make-up, has a Motown sound, makes her band members wear banana suits, talks about smoking weed in H-town, and made sure when the mike went off and she went acapella that everyone knew she was “no perfect Beyonce!” Loves it. And MOST importantly does not wear that House of Deréon shit made by her mother, Tina. THANK GOD. That clothing line looks like something my grandmother would pick out after her 3 Manhattans. Bless you, Solange and you put your sister’s alter ego, Sasha Fierce, to shame on stage. WORK!

Little Boots:

Perez Hilton about creams himself when talking about this chick. She’s his next Katy Perry and sounds an awful like Kyle Minogue—just shorter, blonder, and curvier. Wait, that description is basically Kylie Minogue after her Chemo treatment while she was growing her hair out.

Anyways, LOVED THIS WOMAN! However, she does not have little boots. In fact she has average boots, but I guess that would make her average sounding. Just note that her stage name is based on lies. Her foot size is around 7-7 ½….my roommate Callie wears a size 6 and is 5’9… she is Little Boots. Her single right now that is catching airwaves: Meddle… .it’s also on my Itunes playlist.


Little Boots also performed with Kid Cudi on his song Day ‘n’ Night….great performance. You could tell she was not expecting it, but Kid Cudi showed up with Kanye West’s entourage.

Kanye West

That’s right, no typo in the Little Boots post…Kanye West showed up with his entire entourage that included P. Diddy’s former assistant, Fonzeworth Bentley, Kid Cudi, Kanye’s sunglasses and jewelry holding groupies, and Amber Rose…his bald headed stripper girlfriend with the Kim Kardashian ass.

Kanye of course couldn’t bare to acknowledge the crowd while watching Little Boots on the side of the stage, but his girlfriend took off her glasses and we made eye contact and she smiled genuinely and waved at me. Thus, I’ve looked passed her spread leg poses from the internet and think she’s the humble pie Kanye needs. Plus, she is actually extremely pretty in person. God bless her for dealing with Kanye’s ego—which is bigger than her ass.

Aside from Kanye’s ego that I hugely dislike…the guy knows how to get the crowd going and everyone went nuts. However, he was caught lip-synching Ashlee Simpson style during "Stronger" around the :45-1:00 mark while trying to fix his watch, but the self-proclaimed “Greatest Artist of All Time” went and turned down his pre-recorded voice and carried on with his performance. Thought it was kinda funny.

Videos of Perez Hilton's One Night In Austin courtesy of Henry Wu. Thank you!