New Austin Store--TRIPP

I came across some guerrilla marketing today for the new store TRIPP and decided I should enlighten TXOJ readers about the cool new graphic t-shit place--don't fret though, when I say "graphic t-shit" I do NOT mean those laughable/owned by overly tanned-guido-haired-Texas Staters, a.k.a. Affliction T's. Those are just plain embarrassing, and if you're a reader of this blog and own one of those... you've been warned. Oh, and don't think Ed Hardy is excluded in that circle of holey-inappropriateness. 

Anyways, TRIPP specializes in shirts/hoodies/dresses with actual screen printing of rock bands, various images, your own designs, ect. It's a great concept and fits in well with Austin's vibe. I met the owner before the store opened a few weeks back and he is quite the kool kat, especially since he eliminated one of my list of things to do before I graduate-- closing down that annoying store Flirt!

Ugh, that store and that dumb tagline they used "Flirt... because you can!!"

Seriously? How about using something we like to use in advertising called the truth. If Flirt were wise they would have chosen my tagline, "Flirt... because you want a free drink!!" Had they been more truthful with their slutty shirt intentions then maybe they would still be in business. Perhaps they would have then hired me to work on their POP displays as well. I would have kept with the truth theme, real slutty shirts would hang under the "Top Shelf" display and modest shirts would be hung under the "luke warm beer cans" display. Just saying, when you let customers see the benefit in buying your product...you have loyal customers for a life time!

I hope TRIPP considers such ideas and best of luck to them! Go check them out in Flirt's old store above Quizno's off of 24th.

TXOJ Issues....

Dear TXOJ readers,

On April 1, 2009 some real cool cyber squatters squatted my old site www.texasorangejuice.com.

I bought a new domain and blog from Google www.txorangejuice.com. however, Google is being a big ol' chach and the domain for some reason won't mesh with the blog.

People, I am a shit talker extraordinaire--not a computer nerd...so please bare with me and my shitastic site. I was able to save most of my old post, but pictures on the old blogs do not want to cooperate. And yea...I admit I'm lazy and rarely post, but you would be surprise to know that I have over 100 blog postings and the likelihood of me going through it all is about as likely as me graduating on time.

So fellow TXOJ readers you will now be able to access the worst of Texas' juice at www.TXOJonline.com in three days... for now just stick to www.TXOJonline.blogspot.com and don't complicate things.

AND

DO NOT go to www.texasorangejuice.com! Because the douche-nozzles who squatted me and wanted me to pay $1,999.00 to have my domain back can shove a huge orange...or oranges if they're real kinky... up their pie-hole, and that skank that's on their website in front of the tower can go kill herself.

Sincerely,

TXOJ

Shut UP....if you're in the PCL.

I'm sitting in the new study area of the PCL (the one that doesn't smell of mold) and people...when no one is talking and the room is dead silent--take that as a hint to can it!

One woman sitting to my left feels it's legit to talk on her cell phone in front of everyone. And well, that's not legit. I would mention this to the Paula Cole look alike but she looks like a women's gender studies professor--and you know those bitches don't play (unless it's hockey).

Her three different prints of paisley along with her flowey skirt and head bandana make me want to kick this abuser of cell phones back to Little House on the Prairie and let Laura Ingalls teach her how to use a fucking telegraph.

People are now starring at this one time Lilith Fair attendee and I'm voting that the Latino women at my 12 o'clock is about to say something--it's obvious her spices are getting heated. Viva la silencio!

Texas' own: The Reliques

My professor sent an email out to our class today about one of our classmates Sarah Dossey (pictured left) and Texas Alum Sarah Monteen who together form The Reliques-- such gorgeous singers! Their voices are addictive. I had to share. Check them out on their MySpace and vote them as your favorite Austin artist on 102.3 The River. Voting ends Sunday April 5th...so help them out!

Upcoming shows for The Reliques:

April 3- UT's REZ Week 7:00p

April 3- Moose Lodge 8:00p

April 8- Hole in the Wall 9:45p (The may actually convince me to go to that joint before I graduate)

April 21- Momo's 7:00p

2009 Round-Up: The weekend Fratastica met a high-lighter.

This past weekend many of you probably saw drunken sorostitues and frat daddies runnin’ amok around West Campus and thought you were on Spring Break '86 with Zach Morris and AC Slater...however, you were mistaken. It was just ROUND-UP 2009!

And right about now... if you are a GDI (God Damn Independent!) you are probably patting yourself on the back for not buying into the trend of paying for your friends freshman year.

Round-Up is a weekend where Fratastica mates with 1980’s florescent beach gear and produces Frat-escent-- an ensemble that really only highlights fratting’s chachiness. You can see by the picture below that when I opted to not go for the all too popular highlighter look... I inversely was highlighted. 

WHAT...Irony.

But I can’t front…Round-Up is the shit! It's the only weekend where I can pretend I’m an incoming freshman majoring in K through 4th Education from Beaumont while getting to take a turn on the slip-n-slide repeatedly! I love it. Not to mention the high school senior males visiting UT that I can take advantage of...

Welcome to college, boys!

SXSW III: From one half-assed blogger to one who receives 266 million page loads a day

I was fortunate enough to receive an invite to the Perez Hilton SXSW show One Night in Austin this year! Basically because the event had not reached capacity—but I’ll take it. This will probably be the only highlight of my year or life. The show was amazing and sponsored by Dos Equis… you know I was poppin’ and squeezin’ some limes! Here are a few highlights of the show:

Ladyhawke:

She already looks a tad washed up in that cracked out Kate Moss/Rachel Zoe raisin face way….but nonetheless has a great hit right now called “Paris Is Burning” and is currently on constant replay on my Itunes.



Thunderheist:

She’s super hot in killer heels, but her DJ was wearing that fucking SXSW fedora/flannel uniform (over him). Brings the energy, but one of those acts that are only good live or with a mix added to it at a club. Not as great on their cd.


Natalie Portman's Shaved Head:

Ughhh. This band blew and were so fucking annoying. And why would they call themselves Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head? Portman did it for V is Vendetta, a movie inwhich no one has ever seen—minus those people who like to protest the Scientology building on the drag. AND why waste a shaved head band name on her when you have Britney Spears’ shaved head that was all TMZ’d, more notorious, and was followed by her beating down a paparazzi's car with an umbrella…Eh? Eh? Eh? Clearly this group lacks the genius visual I had for them and their album cover.



NPHS was beyond annoying. They all wore pink, sparkles, and the one girl in the group sported a side ponytail and sang an entire song about her side ponytail. UGH. Reminds me of this one group in high school called SPC (Side Ponytail Crew)…it consisted of two seniors and the freshman cheerleading squad who ran around with side ponytails and whispered secrets to each other that only side ponytail people could hear. I don’t have to say any more for TXOJ readers to make the assumption that the group consisted of complete ass hats…and that NPHS is their equivalent.

I suggest that NPHS change their name to Bathroom Break…because that’s where I was during their shitastic performance.

Solange Knowles



Loved her! She cusses on stage, wears funky make-up, has a Motown sound, makes her band members wear banana suits, talks about smoking weed in H-town, and made sure when the mike went off and she went acapella that everyone knew she was “no perfect Beyonce!” Loves it. And MOST importantly does not wear that House of Deréon shit made by her mother, Tina. THANK GOD. That clothing line looks like something my grandmother would pick out after her 3 Manhattans. Bless you, Solange and you put your sister’s alter ego, Sasha Fierce, to shame on stage. WORK!

Little Boots:

Perez Hilton about creams himself when talking about this chick. She’s his next Katy Perry and sounds an awful like Kyle Minogue—just shorter, blonder, and curvier. Wait, that description is basically Kylie Minogue after her Chemo treatment while she was growing her hair out.

Anyways, LOVED THIS WOMAN! However, she does not have little boots. In fact she has average boots, but I guess that would make her average sounding. Just note that her stage name is based on lies. Her foot size is around 7-7 ½….my roommate Callie wears a size 6 and is 5’9… she is Little Boots. Her single right now that is catching airwaves: Meddle… .it’s also on my Itunes playlist.


Little Boots also performed with Kid Cudi on his song Day ‘n’ Night….great performance. You could tell she was not expecting it, but Kid Cudi showed up with Kanye West’s entourage.

Kanye West

That’s right, no typo in the Little Boots post…Kanye West showed up with his entire entourage that included P. Diddy’s former assistant, Fonzeworth Bentley, Kid Cudi, Kanye’s sunglasses and jewelry holding groupies, and Amber Rose…his bald headed stripper girlfriend with the Kim Kardashian ass.

Kanye of course couldn’t bare to acknowledge the crowd while watching Little Boots on the side of the stage, but his girlfriend took off her glasses and we made eye contact and she smiled genuinely and waved at me. Thus, I’ve looked passed her spread leg poses from the internet and think she’s the humble pie Kanye needs. Plus, she is actually extremely pretty in person. God bless her for dealing with Kanye’s ego—which is bigger than her ass.

Aside from Kanye’s ego that I hugely dislike…the guy knows how to get the crowd going and everyone went nuts. However, he was caught lip-synching Ashlee Simpson style during "Stronger" around the :45-1:00 mark while trying to fix his watch, but the self-proclaimed “Greatest Artist of All Time” went and turned down his pre-recorded voice and carried on with his performance. Thought it was kinda funny.

Videos of Perez Hilton's One Night In Austin courtesy of Henry Wu. Thank you!

SXSW Part II: Ben Kweller, Nelo, Jake Dilley and The Color Pharmacy, & The Jakes

As mentioned, I’m continuously broke due to the fact that I love the alchie…so I only participated in the free shows that took place before Wednesday.

The Belmont was THE place to be, or the only place I was, that had free music and FREE ALCOHOL. While there I was able to enjoy Ben Kweller, Nelo,
Jake Dilley and The Color Pharmacy, and The Jakes.

Ben Kweller… eh, most people in Austin know who this guy is.

Nelo is an Austin based band (or from Highland Park—but if I were them I would not advertise this tidbit, and I would definitely not wear an old HP high school shirt while playing). Regardless, they were pretty fantastic and extremely nice. The band members took pity on me as I tried telling them I was a legit blogger while being completely wasted. Props to them for not calling my ass out. Oh, and their music is legit. I would try and describe their music more—but I don’t really feel like it (Here’s where you reconsider ever reading this blog again.)



The drummer from Jake Dilley and The Color Pharmacy said he would describe their music as Pop Folk…I guess I agree. For some reason they reminded me of a pre-douchey Creed and Dave Mathews Band making a legit baby who doesn’t wear leather pants while shirtless (Creed, all fingers pointing at you). Instead, the singer looks like he has a part time job at Whole Earth and is ready to climb Pike’s Peak.

Jake Dilley and The Color Pharmacy is a band from Minneapolis. Really Trippey and I dig. The band consisted of all guys and a ginger woman who is partial to scarves and likes to use one those McDonald Happy Meal microphones. I think she and her plastic mike should go solo.

The Jakes from Irvine, CA are maybe a favorite of mine while at The Belmont, and I was completely sober when I listened to them so my commentary is not from a fabricated memory. Consider it a success. I think this indie rock band will be huge within a year, and according to their Facebook page they’re already getting play on The Real World (that show still exist?).

The band consist of 6 guys, 4 of which are Indian—which you never really see and major props. I think Slumdog Millionaire has set a trend for 2010…Jay HO! This band is truly great, and amazing live. While listening to them you would have thought they had already made it big, nothing was off key, stage presence was there, and they bring great energy to the stage. The only downside to this group…no one is named Jake. One comes close, but he goes by Jacob. I was kinda disappointed by this. I was hoping they were all named Jake and referred to each other by #1, #2, #3, ect. Sorda like George Foreman does to his 5 sons who are all named George Forman as well. The Jakes I feel are really missing out on a niche here.

And P.S. I tried finding a different Youtube video with as good of quality...but failed. This picture is a little too Al-Queda, and looks like a Youtube video where they're about to get their heads cutoff...too harsh? Not appropriate? I figured. Shit.